Custom CSS of Section contains Conditional Preview for See Life Campaign Elements

Focus on the Family Broadcast

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on email
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on email

Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect (Part 2 of 2)

Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect (Part 2 of 2)

Best-selling author Emerson Eggerichs talks to moms about a boy's need for respect, and explains how they can give that respect to their sons. (Part 2 of 2)
Original Air Date: October 28, 2016

Previews:

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs: Ask the question, is that which I’m about to say or do going to feel or sound respectful to my son? He may not deserve it. We’re not talking about him deserving. We’re talking about the fact that he needs something from you that only you can give him.

End of Preview

John Fuller: That’s Emerson Eggerichs, and you’ll hear more from him today on Focus on The Family. Uh, he’ll be offering help with the mother-son relationship. Your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly. And I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: And we’re coming back to a great discussion for moms in particular. If you missed last time, I would encourage you to listen to part one of the broadcast or get the entire conversation on CD. The discussion is based on Emerson’s book Mother and Son: The Respect Effect. And I learned a lot on this topic from Emerson. And I think you will too as we continue.

John: Mm-hmm. And Dr. Eggerichs has helped transformed countless marriages through his Love and Respect Conferences. And he sure has helped a lot of parents through speaking and writing as well, including, uh, that book Mother and Son: The Respect Effect, which we have here at the ministry. Just stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or give us a call. Let’s go ahead now and hear day two of the conversation with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

Jim: Emerson, welcome back.

Dr. Eggerichs: Oh, thank you.

Jim: Okay. I am like, you know, a kid at a smorgasbord now. I mean, this is such good material. I was, uh, thinking about it all night, uh, about applying these things in different ways. And I’m sure many of our listeners who were able to listen last time have done the same thing. Let’s kind of restate some of the things from last time and then we’ll get into the new concepts that you’re talking about in your book, Mother and Son: The Respect Effect. That innate ability of a woman to look at herself first. I mean, it is something I see in Jean all the time, where she’s loading up guilt because something didn’t go right. You were very strong yesterday saying, “Moms, don’t do that.”

Dr. Eggerichs: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, we know you’re gonna look to your own heart first to say, “Look how I’ve blown it. Look, I’ve shamed.” Uh, reiterate that important point for moms not to go down that alley, which could be really destructive.

Dr. Eggerichs: Right? Well, and the point applies because we’re saying that boys need a mother’s respect. And at first that seems counterintuitive. It’s countercultural. Wait a minute, I need my son’s respect, I can’t believe you’re saying (laughs) I gotta respect my boy, cause he’s doing things that are not respectable. He’s not being obedient to me. And so… But it was Sarah my wife, as well as hundreds of mothers that began to put me on to this when they began to apply this teaching that we’ve had in marriage, that when a wife puts on a respectful demeanor toward her husband, that man softens, moves toward her and connects, which is the longing of every woman’s heart. And she began to apply it to her boy. And they began to write me. And so when I wrote this book though, I realized, I know that many mothers, “Oh, I have been so disrespectful. Oh.” And then she starts replaying her mind all these scenes where she’s blown it. And now she’s thinking, “I’ve ruined him, I’ve ruined the family, I’ve ruined everything, I’ve ruined the cosmos.” And she moves into the self-deprecation. So, one of the things I want to encourage her to do is, we need to work together here. This is not for the purpose of you going into that. We’re just talking about adding a few vocabulary words to your love, and to keep doing what you’re doing, but make some adjustments and meet a need here that we think has been removed from the parenting radar screen with regard to a boy’s need to feel respected for who he is, apart from his performance. And that doesn’t seem-

John: Hmm.

Dr. Eggerichs: … logical or right. And so this is a niche that we’re bringing into this. But mothers can move into this, “Oh, I’ve blown it.” And I’m saying, let’s backtrack on that. Let’s just see it as a slight little adjustment and watch the big results.

Jim: Emerson in fact, you help us by understanding this in a couple of concepts in your book. One is the guides principle and chairs.

Dr. Eggerichs: Right.

Jim: We don’t wanna get locked into all of the description because it is meaty. You know, Paul talks about not being on the milk of the word, but the meat of the word. I think for parenting, you’re into the meat of what it means to be a mom. And, uh, I would wanna point people if you wanna get more of that description, go to the website, and we’ll post that there. But briefly talk about, um, what the guides principle is, and what chairs-

Dr. Eggerichs: Right.

Jim: … is.

Dr. Eggerichs: Guides and chairs are two acronyms. And I had the privilege as I mentioned before, to study the Bible 30 hours a week for nearly 20 years. And I looked at everything in the Bible on parenting. Not just principles that would apply to parenting, but what has God said to a father, to a mother? And I worked really hard in putting it together in an acronym guide, G-U-I-D-E-S. That parents should be giving, understanding, instructing, disciplining, encouraging and supplicating. We won’t go into that. But that’s God’s call on a mom, that’s God’s call on a dad. And he wants us to do that. And we do that under him. But then I looked at another acronym chairs C-H-A-I-R-S, which I looked in scripture, what does God say to us about male and female? For instance, “Act strong, be like men.” Well, what does it mean to be strong like men? There’s no statement be strong and act like a woman. What is God saying to us? And I work very hard then taking those salient scriptures that deal with masculinity as well as femininity, but in this one masculinity, and came up with chairs, C-H-A-I-R-S. And there are things about a boy that are very masculine. And when you understand what God is saying, you can then speak into that with what I call respect talk, and that boy spirit will soften, he will look at mom and move toward you to connect, which is the longing of your heart as a mother.

Jim: Cover the chairs though, its conquest, um-

Dr. Eggerichs: Hierarchy-

Jim: Hierarchy.

Dr. Eggerichs: … authority, insight, uh relationship and sexuality.

Jim: And these are the things that you know a boy is thinking about, behaving like or toward and-

Dr. Eggerichs: Correct.

Jim: … it’s important for a mom particularly to understand how their boy is thinking. Right?

Dr. Eggerichs: Yeah. For instance, conquest, that doesn’t sound you know, like, that’s very inviting. But Adam was created in Garden of Eden, and before he was designed, before the fall, and he was to cultivate and maintain the garden. And he was designed by God to work in the field, and he’s cursed in the field. She’s cursed in the family. But I always say, what’s the first question every man asks another man with me for the first time? What do you do?

John: What do you do? Yeah.

Dr. Eggerichs: This is inherent within us. And it doesn’t mean that women aren’t gonna ask that question. But they’ll tend to look at the ring, they’ll go relationally. Are you married? Do you have children? Even a CEO of a corporation will still look around and she will talk relationally. It’s the way she wants to do it. It’s not a matter she can’t do the other. And we are more focused here. Well, what does it mean for your boy then to grow up to work in a field? What… How’s he processing conquest? When he’s making the Legos, what- what’s he trying to achieve? What’s he doing. And the book unpacks each of those concepts and coaches a mother what she can say when she notices something and use the word like, I really am proud of you here, or I appreciate that, or I value you, or I respect you. Or let’s just take an insight, which is the I of chairs. Here’s a mother who applied this and she wrote me, and she said this, and it’s very, very powerful. “When my son gives me his insight, I say, I really respect what you have to say. Or I say, I respect the way you handle that situation. Or I really respect how you’re taking initiative to get things done and follow through with.” She said, “These things have made my son smile like I have never seen. I talk more about respect with regard to sporting events and showing respect for other opponents. My son knows without a doubt that I love him. Now I feel he knows that I value him and his ideas, which I may not have done so well in the past. Thank you for sharing God’s message.”

Jim: What are some of those desires that boys have in that relationship with their mom?

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, they have several. They have as we talked about in terms of that C-H-A-I-R’s and I’ve written this several times in the book, but she needs to know that he needs to know that she respects his desire to work and achieve. That’s the C, respect his desire to provide, protect and even die. I mean, a five-year-old little boy said to his mommy, “I’ll protect you, mommy.” And some others laugh at that. But no, there’s something going on there-

Jim: Huh.

Dr. Eggerichs: … and need to honor that. Why does he put on the Superman outfit? What’s going on? You can speak to that. You’re a strong man. Feel his muscles, let him flex. You’re a strong man, you protect women and the innocent. Why do boys build the forts? Why do they pick up sticks to fight? We think, “Oh, they’re gonna become violent.” You ask every little boy who’s building a fort and he’s got these swords out there. He’s protecting the innocent from the evil invaders. He is doing a righteous deed. But we’re labeling that in a way that is though somehow, we need to indict him, you know. (Laughs).

Jim: Well, that’s that effeminate culture aspect-

Dr. Eggerichs: Yeah.

Jim: … that you’re talking about.

Dr. Eggerichs: The effeminization of the male, making him soft. Uh, respecting his desire to be strong and to lead and make decisions, has that authority. Respecting his desire to analyze, solve and counsel. Respect his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship. And I’ve coached mothers in this. Mo- moms wanna talk. S- Sarah, my wife talks about the 100 questions she would ask (laughs). At least 20 questions every day when the boys would come home. And finally David, after several days, “Mom, it’s the same at school every day. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”

Jim: (Laughs). Yeah, right.

Dr. Eggerichs: And so they’re asking questions, asking questions, and I say to mom, “When the two boys are out playing catch, just go out there, take a chair out, not iPhone, have nothing going on. No recipe book, no nothing. Sit there and just watch them play catch for 15 minutes, don’t say a word. Just watch them. And then I want you to just watch them. They’ll be making eye contact at you, throwing and you know, running get the… They’ll… Whatever they’re gonna do. Now, you get up, go into the house, evening meal, whatever. Now, call them in, tell them to go upstairs, make their bed that they didn’t make, wash their hands and face and clean up their room and come down to dinner. It’ll all be done. So what you’ve done is you’ve energized them, you’ve made a deposit in their spirits just by what we call the shoulder-to-shoulder activity. See, mothers feel we’re only connected if we’re talking face-to-face, and he shared with me what his day was all about. Well, daughters will do that, but boys are a little bit different. So, what you wanna do is meet his need not just be reassured that everything’s okay between you. Do it the shoulder to shoulder. And I coach mothers on this, and women are writing me, “This is unbelievable. Why hasn’t anybody told us this?”

Jim: Well, or they’re thinking, that’s really hard to do.

Dr. Eggerichs: Well it’s not hard to do-

Jim: I’ve got my… I’ve got my task list.

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, that’s exactly right.

Jim: (Laughs).

Dr. Eggerichs: It’s not hard to do-

Jim: I can hear Jean. (laughs)

Dr. Eggerichs: … it just seems. Yeah, it just-

Jim: (Laughs).

Dr. Eggerichs: … It seems like this is not producing any quality in our relationship. This is not quality time.

Jim: It’s a waste of time.

Dr. Eggerichs: Exactly. But that’s if we filter through the feminine grid again. If we… And that’s what you’re pointing out. and it’s not to indict the feminine, we need to honor that, exalt all of that. But what we’re reminding us, Jesus said, “Have you not read he who made it from the beginning made them male and female?” And though we’re equal, we’re not the same.

Jim: Hmm.

Dr. Eggerichs: And we need to understand then what is different about our boy? And does he have a need that we’re maybe not paying attention to? And I’ve written this book to say, it’s a huge need. And when you meet it, he softens and connects with you and he gets affectionate with you, generally speaking.

John: This is Focus on the Family and the book that is really the foundation of our conversation today is from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It’s called Mother and Son: The Respect Effect. And we have that here, just stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Or call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Let’s go ahead and continue this conversation, here’s Jim Daly.

Jim: Emerson, in the last portion of the program, I wanna get to some real practical respect talk at every level of development, toddler, teen and everything in between. Before I do though, you mentioned the right outcome. And for that mom who has tried different things, maybe she’s even innately tried some of the things that you’re talking about, but it hasn’t worked.

Dr. Eggerichs: Mm-hmm.

Jim: She hasn’t received the response from her son, maybe it’s just years of antagonism between them. Um, do you have examples where it’s taken much more than what you’re describing to heal that relationship because of the wounds-

Dr. Eggerichs: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … between them both?

Dr. Eggerichs: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Describe that environment where it’s much harder than just a simple phrase.

Dr. Eggerichs: Right. Right. The challenge for all of us is to step back for a moment and say, “Look, whether or not my son responds to this…” Or let’s put it by way of analogy. A father is to be loving toward his daughter, whether or not she rebels and gets into drugs or whatever, that he can be a very loving father apart from the outcome in her. So, to moms, your son may not respond immediately, there could be any number of things that are going on, he could be addicted, he could be lying. I mean, there… We all know. I went to military school for five years from eighth grade to 12th grade. Five years of my life. And it had nothing to do with my mom.

Jim: (Laughs).

Dr. Eggerichs: It had everything to do with me. And so, one of the things that I wanna say, you stay the course on this. This is about meeting your son’s need, whether he appreciates it or not. This is about you being a respectful woman of God, whether your son is responsive or not. Don’t give into contempt and disrespect and communicating that way with the hope that somehow, he’s gonna repent, that would be using unholy means to achieve a very worthy end. So my challenge, stay the course, do this under Christ and just trust that what we’re saying here is correct. Because mothers love to meet a need, and you’re meeting your son’s need to be believed in that you honor his heart, and you believe in him more than he probably believes in himself right now. And I believe if anything’s gonna cause him to turn the corner, it’s that. I do not believe boys will return home to a mother who has nothing but contempt and feeling that she despises him because he’s humiliated her and shamed her and made her feel that she’s a failure as a mother, and as a woman.

Jim: Emerson, that is so powerful. You’re right on the money again, because I think of the many stories I’ve heard where you’ve had a prodigal child. And what brings that child back over the long-term, usually when they’re an adult, will be that consistency of love that they felt from mom and dad. And if it’s not there, the chances are, it may not happen. And so I love that. Keeping that tether of love tight, because that’s the testimony that we receive in the end.

Dr. Eggerichs: Mm-hmm.

Jim: That I came back to my mom because it just was so obvious how much she cared about me.

Dr. Eggerichs: Yes. And-

Jim: And it took me time to figure that out.

Dr. Eggerichs: And I would add to tether of respect and honor, because we again, we default to the love component. Mothers are loving. We’ve got a good friend right now her son, uh, is in prison. And she’s continued to apply this. And this is a man in prison, will be there for many years, but his attitude toward his mother, he got addicted. And it wasn’t anything to do with her. He got himself in a mess and he’s an addict. But because she’s honored his spirit-

Jim: Hmm.

Dr. Eggerichs: … even though she’s been humiliated by what has happened, the family has, the sorrow that they’re experiencing, his own regret, his own guilt. She has given voice to these principles, and this son is connected from behind the walls, the prison bars, but she has a relationship with her son-

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Eggerichs: … because of this.

Jim: That’s powerful. That’s so good. Hey, we do wanna get practical. So let’s talk for the remaining minutes about how to deal with, um, I guess you’d say the phases of childhood. So that toddler, uh, to try to get these points across. Maybe that toddler just hit his little sister or (laughs) something. How does mom engage that little boy to say, “Johnny, that’s not what we’re gonna do?”

Dr. Eggerichs: Yes. You’re an honorable young man. And honorable men do not do this. Your daddy doesn’t do this. You’re honorable. Now, on the inside, mothers think, well, a three-year-old, four-year-old isn’t gonna understand that concept. This is what’s blown away. Does a little girl understand when Daddy says I love you?

Jim: Absolutely.

Dr. Eggerichs: She surely does. And mothers were testing this out. “I don’t think that my boy would respect me.” And this mother had a two-year-old and a four-year-old and she was putting them to bed, and she decided to apply this, and she has a psychological background. She’s a psychologist. So she said, “Brendon, I really respect you.” And she thought that he would say, “What do you mean?” She said he sat up and he said, “Thank you, mommy.” And he would always echo. She said, “I love you.” And he was say, “I love you.” She said, “I respect you.” He sat up and said, “Thank you.” And she said, “He understood what I was saying.”

Jim: Hmm.

Dr. Eggerichs: Now, it’s still an abstract concept. So I’m not going to debate that always. But if she uses the language with that toddler, it’s not honorable. It’s not honorable to hit your sister. Just keep on that message.

Jim: Hmm. That is good. Let’s move it to grade school. Maybe it’s getting a little more serious now that chores aren’t being done. You haven’t experienced this have you John?

John: Never in my life.

Jim: We’ve never experienced this-

John: (Laughs).

Jim: … for the 1,000th time. Can you take that trash out and put it in the garage big can?

Dr. Eggerichs: Right.

Jim: I mean, that’s my mantra.

Dr. Eggerichs: Right.

Jim: “Oh, yeah, dad will do it.” Then an hour later.

John: Still waiting.

Jim: “Why is the trash still here?”

John: Yes, yes. (Laughs).

Jim: Talk to that mom-

Dr. Eggerichs: Yes

Jim: … who’s struggling with chores.

Dr. Eggerichs: Yes. Well, first of all, there will be no perfect children, there was only one perfect child.

Jim: (Laughs).

Dr. Eggerichs: And so you know, you didn’t, uh, have that perfect child. So, there… We’ve got to allow for, uh, some degree of independence. Jesus said, a boy is gonna leave father and mother. And so as I say, you control during the toddler years, but then you have to move into counsel from you know, those teen years, because you can’t control them 24/7. And then there’s the casting off. And you want to develop this boy to finally leave home. Okay? And so there’s gotta be some allowance for him to, you know, wiggle a little bit. But on that point, you ask the question, you know, I’ve asked you multiple times to take the garbage out. I understand it’s a hassle and I know they’re more e- exciting things to do. But you said you would do it. And I see you as an honorable man of integrity. And help me understand this. Because I believe in you and I believe you’re becoming this man of honor, I, I need you to be honorable and follow through on your word here, even though it’s a hassle. But you tell me how can we solve this problem? He’s like-

Jim: You’re putting it on their honor to do it. I like that.

Dr. Eggerichs: Yeah, as long as we don’t use this as a club-

Jim: Right.

Dr. Eggerichs: … we have to figure out… That is why I say what battle do you want to fight here? Is it the garbage battle? Or is it another one? You know, but there has to come that moment when we ask that question, we put the, the problem back on his shoulder. You coach me here, if you were dad, what would you say to you? Because I see you as an honorable man. And yet, it’s almost like you’re not honoring me. You’re not respecting me. Have I done something that has caused you not to wanna respond to me? Help me understand where am I failing as a parent. Help me with my feelings.

Jim: So, you’ve kind of covered that tween message as well, um, in terms of respecting each other, and then that teen message when maybe they’re coming home late, blowing curfew more often than they should, uh, dig into that a little bit. A little more intellectual discussion. Uh, what I’m finding as the teens get older, is their rationales become a little more difficult to debate. You know there’s, uh, reasons why these things aren’t happening. And you began to get into these lengthy debates rather than your instructions being followed. Uh, speak to that issue of the debate season of teenhood.

Dr. Eggerichs: Right. Well, and that’s where the debate cannot get down into the gutter where you are showing disrespect toward the spirit of the individual. There has to be an appeal. Jonathan and David, you know, as they went through those teen years, that I tried to remind myself, “Okay, this is gonna be a discussion here of man to man, we’re gonna talk honorably with each other, respectfully with each other. I said to David, there were times he was pushing the limits and I have a circle that I drew, you have authority of father, you have the freedom of the son, and you have the responsibility. So I had authority, freedom, and responsibility. And I said, “Son, I know you want more freedom, and you really don’t want my authority. And yet you want me to be responsible for you. I will tell you, you can have total freedom and come out totally from underneath my authority, but you have to be 100% responsible for yourself.

Jim: Hmm.

Dr. Eggerichs: And you don’t want that because you want things that I’m responsible for you, I get that. But you want more freedom. All I can say is we’re gonna have some tension here. And this tension is healthy. But in a few years, you’re gonna be outside the home. So now let’s talk how can we honor each other?”

Jim: Yeah

Dr. Eggerichs: “You know, we have a curfew. I know that feels limiting to you. But we live in fear when you’re not here. So how can you serve us? How can you honor us even though you feel this is unfair? Talk to me. I know you feel this is unjust. I know you feel this is unfair. I know you feel I’m dishonoring you, but I feel it is fair, it is reasonable, it guards your mom and my heart from feeling fear. And I feel you’re honoring us. So, now how can we create win-win? Help me.”

Jim: I like that. It’s rational and it’s calm. You flipping to the dad conversation there. But let me ask this question. Um, when can mom say and when should she say, “Honey, I need your help here.” Cause he’s typically you know, (laugh) oblivious to some of this. I know one of the funniest things that goes on in our house will be one of my boys standing five feet from me and Jean will direct the instructions through me to him. And I’ll say, “You know he’s standing right here.” (Laughs). You know?

John: So she’s saying, would you just make-

Jim: Yeah. “Can you have Trent do the dishes?”

Dr. Eggerichs: (Laughs).

Jim: Okay. “Trent, would you do the dishes?” (Laughs). And he’s going. “I can hear you, mom.” (Laughing). What is that dynamic?

Dr. Eggerichs: Yeah. Well, she-

Jim: (Laughs).

Dr. Eggerichs: She’s perhaps feeling that her authority is not being used with Trent. He’s not responding to her, so she’s going to use your authority to make sure this gets done. I’m not quite sure of all the dynamics there. But I think to your point about what can a mother do. I think, again, if a mother is afraid, let’s say that curfew issue again, she can appeal. “You’re 17 and you know, I need your strength, son. Because when you don’t get in on time, I begin to worry-

Jim: Hmm.

Dr. Eggerichs: … I begin to be afraid.

Jim: That’s powerful.

Dr. Eggerichs: And I think you’re gonna… That you’re dead. And I know that you’re going to tell me, ‘Mom, you shouldn’t feel that way.’ I know I shouldn’t feel that way. But I need your strength here. I need your leadership. I need you to help me. Okay? I need your home by X, Y, Z time. See, there comes a point when we shouldn’t be afraid of being vulnerable with our children as they move into that young adulthood thing. Appealing to them. But appealing them based on our need. If mom really is afraid, then why not give voice to that? Rather than saying, “Young man, you’re being disrespectful and you’re not honoring and you’re…” And moving into that condemnation again and shaming him because he’s not responding to your authority leadership. Is that really the route here? Is that really what you want? “No, I’m afraid that he might die in the road when he’s not home.” Okay, then let’s go there with that and then appeal to him to serve you and watch what happens. Now, will every boy, do it? Now, if he’s addicted, if he’s into sex, he’s doing things. We, we live in a very real world where there are a lot of temptations and he’s gonna give into those temptations and it’s gonna override his mind that says, “I ought to obey mom and dad.” And you’re going to have to deal with that situation. And I deal with that in the book on discipline and consequences. But begin with what we’re saying right now. Appeal to a strength, appeal to that sense of honor.

Jim: That’s good. That is so good. E- Emerson, before we go, I mean, one of the cultures greatest questions right now are the kind of the late blooming of boys to men. I mean, the 20 something that is living in his mom and dad’s basement perhaps, uh, doesn’t seem motivated, playing video games way too much, uh, is arriving at adulthood maybe 5 to 10 years later than men used to. Speak to that mom who’s got that son in that phase of life where they’re just not sure what to do. Um, what would you say to her?

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, I think, again, this is one of my concerns that I think this we talk about the soft male, or we talk about this boy. And is he lazy, is he flawful, is this something that’s evidence of a poor character quality? Or does this reinforce my message? He’s afraid, because all the messages out there are opposite of C-H-A-I-R-S, that he doesn’t have it in him to-

Jim: Right.

Dr. Eggerichs: Conquer. He, he really doesn’t have that strength to provide and protect. He doesn’t have strength of leadership; he really doesn’t have a lot of insight. Uh, he’s really not a person you want to have a good friendship and relationship with. And he may not, you know, have, uh, right perspective on human sexuality. And he’s beginning to… he’s a Christ follower, beginning to feel like is he really a man? Does he really have what it takes? Can I really enter that adventure and make a difference in the field that perhaps God wants me in? And many will pull back out of fear. And so the real question is, can a mom begin to speak into that and say, “Honey, I do believe in you. I believe that God has a call on you. I believe there’s something that he has for you. I’ve been praying for you for 20 years on that. And I’m fully confident that he’s gonna reveal that. And here’s what I see in you. Here are the desires I see in you. The opportunities aren’t there, but I just need to go on record to say here’s what I believe about you. And if I’d been remiss in saying that, or if I’d been on you to get out there and get a job and somehow you feel that I think you’re a failure, that is not the case. Here’s what I really believe about you.”

Jim: Mmm.

Dr. Eggerichs: And let me state several things.

Jim: Yeah, that is so good. Emerson, I’m leaping out of my chair here. And I hope moms are excited about what they’re hearing because it gives them a pathway to improving the relationship with their sons, because it will feel like you don’t speak the same language and you don’t understand each other. And I’m excited to be able to deliver some hope and help to that mom who is so frustrated. Maybe dads too are… You know, moms are turning to their husbands going, “Help me.” And we don’t understand (laughs) what to say or do. Uh, this is a resource, um, for you particularly, that mom of the boy. And I’m excited that you’ve written this, I’m grateful that you have, I can’t wait to share it with Jean at home, just to help her in her relationship with our kids. Um, this is what you enable us to do here at Focus on The Family. I know that hundreds, if not thousands of moms are gonna contact us and we want you to cause we’re in your corner, we want to put this resource in your hand so that you can do the best possible job of parenting that young boy as you can.

John: What a great conversation with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, uh, he’s been our guest the past couple of broadcasts here on Focus on The Family. And I’ll encourage you to donate to the ministry and request your book from us. The book is called Mother and Son: The Respect Effect.

Jim: And let’s do this John, for a gift of any amount, uh, we’ll say thank you by sending you Emerson’s book. And you can also stand in the gap for those who may not be able to order this resource. Uh, your generous gift will enable us to send this along to others in need.

John: Donate today, get that book or, uh, ask for the CD of this two-part conversation. Our number, 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, 800-232-6459. Or you can donate and get the book and other resources at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And as we close one last word from Dr. Eggerichs, uh, for the mom who’s struggling.

Dr. Eggerichs: Ask the question, is that which I’m about to say or do going to feel or sound respectful to my son? He may not deserve it. We’re not talking about him deserving, we’re talking about the fact that he needs something from you that only you can give him.

John: Some great parting advice from Emerson Eggerichs, and once more, it’s been a privilege to have him here on Focus. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, I’m John Fuller, hoping you have a great weekend and inviting you back on Monday, we’ll hear from Allison Bottke. She’ll help you establish boundaries with your adult child as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Today's Guests

Mother & Son

Receive Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' book Mother & Son for your donation of any amount! Plus, receive member-exclusive benefits when you make a recurring gift today. Your monthly support helps families thrive.

Recent Episodes

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Helping Kids Navigate Worry in Healthy Ways

You may think your child is acting out when, in fact, they are struggling with worry. Dr. Josh and Christi Straub describe how to help your young child identify their emotions and navigate fear in a healthy way.

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Understanding the Hot Buttons in Your Marriage

Dr. Bob Paul and his wife Jenni explain how seemingly innocent disagreements can spiral into a major argument because of unidentified personal hot buttons that trigger primal reactions that are out of proportion to the issue at hand.

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

The Importance of Showing Love to Others

Pastor Phil Waldrep shares heart-warming stories of his godly grandmother and the important principle that she helped him find in Romans 16: People love people who love people.

You May Also Like

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Avoiding Shame-Based Parenting

Psychologist Dr. Kelly Flanagan discusses the origins of shame, the search for self-worth in all the wrong places, and the importance of extending grace to ourselves. He also explains how parents can help their kids find their own sense of self-worth, belonging and purpose.

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Becoming a Clutter-Free Family

Joshua Becker discusses the benefits a family can experience if they reduce the amount of “stuff” they have and simplify their lives. He addresses parents in particular, explaining how they can set healthy boundaries on how much stuff their kids have, and establish new habits regarding the possession of toys, clothes, artwork, gifts and more.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 1

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

How a Former Abortion Doctor Became Pro-Life

As an abortion doctor at Planned Parenthood, Dr. Patti Giebink believed she was helping women. Later, she began reading scripture and God gradually changed her heart on the abortion issue. Patti tells the story of her long journey from abortion doctor to pro-life and encourages listeners to share the message of life with compassion.

Headshot image of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Patti Giebink

Mrs. Patti Giebink

Dr. Patti Giebink is an OB-GYN who serves on the board of the Alpha Center, a well-known pregnancy center located in Sioux Falls, S.D. She also travels intermittently to work in mission hospitals in Pakistan and other countries. After completing her medical training, Dr. Giebink worked for Planned Parenthood from 1995-1997, during which she was the only abortion-provider in the state of South Dakota. She eventually experienced a radical change of heart on the issue of abortion after receiving God’s grace, forgiveness, and love, and she is now a passionate advocate for the pro-life movement.

Cover image of the book "Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life"

Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life

Unexpected Choice is told from the perspective of a doctor who actually performed abortions through Planned Parenthood. The book chronicles her journey from being a pro-choice physician to someone speaking on behalf of the pro-life movement.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 2

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Cherishing Your Spouse Every Day

Do you love your spouse, or do you truly cherish them? Gary Thomas encourages couples to make a daily effort to go beyond the ‘duty’ of love, and combat the natural inclination to drift apart, by choosing to see the best in their spouse.

Mr. Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas is an international speaker and best-selling, award-winning author whose books include Married SexSacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting. He has also written numerous articles for several prominent national magazines. Gary and his wife, Lisa, reside in Texas and have three children. You can learn more about Gary by visiting his website, www.garythomas.com.

cherish front cover

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

“Most marriages survive by gritting teeth and holding on. But marriages can and will not only survive but thrive when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another.” Those are the powerful words of bestselling author Gary Thomas in his newest book–Cherish. And in a world desperate for marriage redemption, it is needed now more than ever. Thomas shows that although there are a countless number of marriages consisting of two people just going through the motions, there are real ways this pattern can be reversed: when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another in proven, loving, and everyday actions and words.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope

Discover the amazing work our PRC’s Directors, Nurses, and Volunteers are making in their communities! You’ll see firsthand testimonies of a PRC in action, and that there are other options outside of abortions! You’ll also discover how your family can support your local PRC!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard

Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. You’ll see why “ALL” life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 3: The Power of a Picture

Have you ever wondered what a baby looked like in the womb? With today’s technology, Moms and Dads can see the baby’s heartbeat, facial expressions, and movements! You’ll find out why more women choose life once they hear their baby’s heartbeat and realize it’s a real living human!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 5: It’s Going to be Amazing!

After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 6: Families Helping Families!

So, after all you’ve seen through the SeeLife ‘21 Episodic journey; what can you do now? We’ll share how you can partner with some amazing organizations that are making significant impacts in the pro-life movement! You want to Celebrate Life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 2

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Effective Habits to Embrace in Parenting

To be an effective parent, you must be a leader in your child’s life, guiding with a gentle hand and setting a solid example. Dr. Randy Schroeder provides the insight you need to be a leader-parent. As he explores the foundational Rs—relationship, routines, responsibilities, and rules—you’ll better understand the role you play in your child’s life. You’ll learn great phrases to employ such as “Either/Or/You Decide” and “When You/Then You”. While there is no perfect parent, this nuts-and-bolts material will equip you to lead your child in a loving, confident manner.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder has spent more than four decades writing, counseling, speaking, and teaching. For nearly 25 years, he was Vice President of Student Personnel Services, Dean of Students, and a professor of pastoral counseling at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Ind. He’s also led a successful counseling practice helping individuals, couples, and families to thrive in their lives and relationships.

Cover image of Dr. Randall Schroeder's book "Simple Habits for Effective Parenting"

Simple Habits for Effective Parenting

Effective parenting is now within your grasp! With this inspiring how-to comprehensive book, achieve extraordinary results in raising a child to be self-assured, self-reliant, and responsible! You will be able to successfully lead and lovingly encourage your child toward a Godly life!

The Spiritual Battle for Your Marriage

God designed marriage to reflect His love to the world; and because of this, the enemy wants to destroy God’s beautiful design. Based on his book, Defending Your Marriage, Dr. Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff share about the reality of spiritual warfare against marriages, and how to combat the enemy’s lies with the truth of God. Couples will be encouraged that they’re not alone in the fight for a godly marriage and better equipped to be a shining example for the world around them.

Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff Cropped

Dr. Tim and Mrs. Noreen Muehlhoff

Dr. Tim Muehlhoff is a professor of communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California where he teaches classes in family communication, interpersonal communication, apologetics, gender, and conflict resolution.  Tim and his wife, Noreen, are both on staff with Biola’s Center for Marriage and Relationships  where he is a co-host of The Art of Relationship podcast. 

Defending Your Marriage

Is your marriage under attack? Sometimes it can feel like the world is trying to tear your marriage apart. Internal conflicts or external pressures might make you wonder if something sinister is going on. How can you tell if you’re facing spiritual opposition? And what can you do about it? Tim Muehlhoff provides a straightforward resource for protecting your marriage from the threats of the evil one. He looks at what Scripture says about spiritual warfare and how our everyday struggles have deeper spiritual realities. And he provides practical steps for guarding our marriages with the whole armor of God.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 1

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 2

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 2

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage - Part 2

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 2

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Embracing Your Role as a Spouse

As a spouse, you have three roles to play—a friend, a partner, and a lover. On this one-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Pastor Kevin A. Thompson explores those different roles and challenges you to live them out by investing emotionally, physically, and mentally in your relationship. As friends, he suggests we learn to play and laugh together. As partners, he equips us with solid ways to handle conflict and communication. As lovers, he offers some thoughts on how to bring back the sizzle. He shares five keys to saving your marriage: humility, respect, mercy, communication, and resilience. You’ll be encouraged to intentionally invest in your marriage.

Headshot of Kevin Thompson

Pastor Kevin Thompson

Kevin A. Thompson (MDiv, Beeson Divinity School) is lead pastor at Community Bible Church, a growing multi-site church with four locations in western Arkansas. Every year he meets with nearly one hundred couples with a range of needs, from pre-marital counseling to navigating the most serious betrayals. A marriage and parenting conference speaker, he and his wife, Jenny, have two children and live in Fort Smith, Arkansas. He blogs at kevinathompson.com.

Cover image of Kevin Thompson's book "Friends, Partners & Lovers"

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

With engaging stories and clear, simple language, pastor Kevin Thompson shows how to live out three distinct roles in marraige. Using solid biblical principles, he helps you and your spouse grow your friendship, be supportive partners through the good times and the bad, and develop a healthy and satisfying sex life.

Sharing Your Faith with Grace and Purpose

You can confidently and lovingly share your faith—you just need to learn some new tactics to do so! In this Focus on the Family Daily Broadcast, apologist Greg Koukl outlines the “Columbo” tactic of asking questions, the “self-defeating argument” tactic to find holes in your opponent’s arguments, and other specific methods for engaging in faith-building conversations with others. Greg pulls from his over 30 years of experience debating atheists and agnostics to help you share your faith with grace and truth.

Mr. Greg Koukl

Greg Koukl is a writer, public speaker and talk show host who’s spent 30 years advocating for and defending the Christian worldview. Greg has written or contributed to 15 books, including The Story of RealityTactics, and Precious Unborn Human Persons. Greg has published nearly 230 articles and has spoken on 80 college and university campuses in the U.S. and abroad.

Tactics front cover

Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions

In a world increasingly indifferent to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. You’ll learn how to stop challengers in their tracks and how to turn the tables on questions or provocative statements. Most important, you’ll learn how to get people thinking about Jesus.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 1

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Giving up Sugar, Tasting God's Goodness

As a latchkey kid, Wendy Speake turned to sugar for comfort. Every Friday, she would pedal to the candy show and use her allowance to fill her bag with candy. And one day, when she was older and a mom of three young boys, she came to realize that she was still “pedaling” away from her stress and using sugar as comfort, instead of turning to Jesus. She was joyless, worn out, tired, and in need of a change. In this interview, Wendy will challenge Christians to take 40 days to focus on fasting from something they turn to instead of Jesus for comfort. She invited people to break free from a dependence on sugar and taste the goodness of God.

Author Wendy Speake smiling as she holds up her book "The 40-Day Social Media Fast"

Mrs. Wendy Speake

With a background in Hollywood as a trained actress, Wendy Speake ministers to women as a bible teacher by applying the power of drama, poetry and comedy to the study of Scripture and real-life application of biblical truths. She has co-authored two books with Amber Lia titled Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses and their latest, Parenting Scripts: When What You’re Saying Isn’t Working, Say Something New. Wendy is also the co-author (with Kelli Stuart) of Life Creative: Inspiration for Today’s Renaissance Mom.

Cover image of the book "The 40-Day Sugar Fast"

The 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation

Welcome to the 40-Day Sugar Fast, a fast that begins with us giving Jesus our sugar and ends with Jesus giving us himself–the only thing that can ever truly satisfy our soul’s deep hunger. On this 40-day journey you’ll learn how to stop fixating on food and other things you use to fill the voids in life and instead fix your eyes on Christ. Anyone who runs to sugar for comfort or a reward, who eats mindlessly or out of boredom, who feels physically and spiritually lethargic, or who struggles with self-control will discover here not only freedom from their cravings but an entirely new appetite for the good things God has for us.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 2

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 2

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

Reconciling Faith and Science in a Medical Crisis

Dr. Lee Warren is a neurosurgeon who has faced many heavy challenges in his life – from serving in the Iraq War to removing deadly brain tumors to experiencing the loss of a teenage son. He’ll share about his difficult quest to find answers to some of life’s toughest questions, while holding onto his faith in God and the sure hope of heaven

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. W. Lee Warren

Dr. Lee Warren

W. Lee Warren, M.D., is a brain surgeon , inventor, Iraq War veteran, and author of I’ve Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon’s Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know, winner of the Christian Book Award®. His previous book, No Place to Hide, was included on the 2015 U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff’s Recommended Reading List. Dr. Warren has appeared on The 700 Club and the CBS Evening News, and his writings have been featured in Guideposts magazine. His Dr. Lee Warren Podcast, which is heard in more than 60 countries, helps listeners use the power of neuroscience, faith, and common sense to change their lives.

Cover image of Dr. Lee Warren's book "I've Seen the End of You"

I've Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon's Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know

This gripping inspirational memoir grapples with the tension between faith and science—and between death and hope—as a seasoned neurosurgeon faces insurmountable odds and grief both in the office and at home.

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 1

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 1

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage Part 1

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 1

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 1

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!