Custom CSS of Section contains Conditional Preview for See Life Campaign Elements

Focus on the Family Broadcast

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on email
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on email

Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect (Part 1 of 2)

Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect (Part 1 of 2)

Best-selling author Emerson Eggerichs talks to moms about a boy's need for respect, and explains how they can give that respect to their sons. (Part 1 of 2)
Original Air Date: October 27, 2016

Preview:

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs: So a mother just has to step back. Is there any vocabulary word that I’m using that would cause my son to think that I don’t respect him, that I have contempt toward him, that I despise who he is, that I find him unacceptable as a human being, that he’s less than he ought to be?

End of Preview

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Eggerichs: Um, and those are the words that we need to refrain from.

John Fuller: Such great insight from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. He’s our guest today on Focus on the Family and has some helpful advice for moms to strengthen your relationship with your son. Your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: Uh, John here’s a headline for us all. Uh, it’s easy to forget that you’re actually raising a man, not a boy, and that someday he’s gonna leave home and start his own life, that’s the point. As a father of two grown sons, uh, I know how quickly the time passes and they begin making decisions on their own. And today we’ve tailored the broadcast for moms in particular. Uh, we want to speak to your heart and offer advice specifically to help you raise your sons to become those men you desperately wanna see. Uh, we’re coming back to a recorded discussion with Emerson Eggerichs, uh, about mothers and sons that has provided some great encouragement and instruction to our listeners in the past.

John: And I know Emerson’s gonna help again today. Now, he’s a popular guest here at Focus on the Family, internationally recognized as an expert on male female relationships. He, uh, speaks at conferences with his wife, Sarah around the world and he’s the author of a number of books, including Mother and Son: The Respect Effect. This conversation was recorded not long ago in our studio, let’s listen in.

Jim: Emerson, it’s great to have you back to Focus on the Family.

Dr. Eggerichs: I’ve been looking forward to it, Jim and thank you, John, yes.

Jim: You are really gifted at speaking right to the heart of people when especially in the area of marriage, obviously. Love and Respect has been really impactful to literally millions of people. And you now are applying those kinds of principles to the area of parenting, which I think is perfect. Why did you take that message of how you relate in marriage into the parenting relationship?

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, there are two levels of that. I wrote the book Love & Respect in the Family and, uh, looking at everything in the scripture, uh, concerning parenting, I had the privilege of studying the Bible 30 hours a week for nearly 20 years as the senior pastor of a church. So that gave me a lot of time to think and then of course, the academic bent, looking at what research said. So I waited though on the parenting topic until my children were grown. Jonathan, David and Joy are now adults and- and out of the home and, uh, I waited on that. But this more recent book, Mother and Son, it was Sarah, my wife, as well as the hundreds of women who went to our Love & Respect Marriage Conference, who began to apply these principles to their boys and began to email me, Jim and telling me what happened in the- the boy’s heart and the sense of connection they were beginning to experience as they began to apply what I call respect talk.

Jim: Uh, Emerson, you give credit wonderfully to Sarah, your wife, and the way you observed her interaction with your two sons. And, uh, speak to that observation that you had as her husband and the father of her boys.

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, and Sarah’s the one that really kind of put me onto this as she and I were doing the Love & Respect Marriage Conferences. She began to realize, you know, this really does apply to son. She was tracking as a mother there; I was thinking maritally. She said, “You know what? We need to bring this up early in the conference and say, how do you mothers want your future daughter-in-law to treat your precious baby boy?” Because they feel totally different about their boy than they do about their husband at that moment in time. And so Sarah really put me onto this. And so as I began to evaluate this, this book came out of that as particularly as mothers began to write us. But Sarah said two things that I said very quickly at the beginning of the book. She said, “If I had known this information when my sons were little,” Jonathan and David, two boys, she said, “they’re now in their thirties, I would’ve been a better mother.” And she’s encouraged mothers to really think about this because every mother wants to improve and she feels very deeply had she known this in their earlier years, it could have made a huge difference. But then she also encourages mothers, “As a mother, it is never too early and never too late to apply this message of respect.”

Jim: Well, let’s, uh, refresh or introduce that concept to the listeners who maybe didn’t catch those programs, Love & Respect or read your book on that theme. Talk about the general principle of love and respect and what you’re driving at when it comes to gender and what we need.

Dr. Eggerichs: Right. Well, the University of Washington studied 2000 couples for 20 years and they said, “We now know the two key ingredient for successful marriages. When those two ingredients are present, the marriage succeeds, when they’re not present, the marriages fail.” Many of us think that if we don’t have money problems, in-law problems, health issues, work related issues, these stressors, if we could remove those, we’d have a happy relationship. But they found out it’s our attitude toward each other during those conflicted moments that really is the key. So if I come across hostile or contemptuous to the spirit of the other person, that’s when they deflate, I’m stepping on their air hose. Well, I found it intriguing that Ephesians 5:33 said, husbands, love your wives and wives, respect your husbands. And the love and respect dynamic, there isn’t a whole lot of debate on that first part of that verse. But the second part women will say, “Dr. Emerson, I don’t feel any respect for my husband. He’s not superior to me, I’m not inferior to him. I don’t wanna be a hypocrite and do something I don’t feel, he hasn’t earned, he doesn’t deserve it. I’m not gonna give him a license to do what he wants to do. I’m not gonna return to male patriarchy and fear male dominance.”

Jim: (Laughs).

Dr. Eggerichs: I’m not going to subject myself to emotional abuse to lose a sense of my identity or self or set the feminist team back 50 years. But other than these things, I’m really a open to hearing what you have to say about this. (Laughter).

Jim: That’s a tough intro.

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, it’s what we’re up against.

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Eggerichs: You see the- the disconnect between what women feel about honor and respect and what you and I as men feel, we serve and die for honor. We don’t see it as narcissistic. We honor each other and we die for each other. But when you talk about respecting a man, then that mantra that I just went through is what women feel. And they’re not mean spirited about that at all. Women are fearful that they’re going to be unloved in that process, that they’re gonna be second rate and second class. But once we begin to unpack the power of showing respect toward the spirit to a man, not respecting his bad behavior, when you come across honoring to the spirit of an individual, no husband feels fond feelings of love and affection in his heart toward a wife he thinks despises who he is as a human being any more than a woman is gonna respond to a husband who’s harsh and angry. There are certain vulnerabilities we all have, but we’ve kind of removed the male need from the radar screen. And so we put it back on to say, if you wanna motivate your husband, the way in which you do that is by meeting a need he has, especially during conflict and watch what happens. He’ll connect with you; he’ll move toward you rather than withdrawal. 85% who stonewall and withdraw are the males. And he’ll stop doing that. He’ll stay engaged with you ’cause he thinks you’re using the topic as an opportunity to send him a message that you don’t like who he is as a human being. And these principles, these wives, Jim, began to apply it to their boys. And instead of these boys withdrawing and stonewalling and just shutting down, the boys were staying engaged. They were actually looking at their mother. They were actually responding. They were actually soft in that response and uh, the mothers were blown away by that.

Jim: How does that transform that relationship? And then we’re gonna get into that very specifically. But at the top level, when a mom is, um, supplying that- that son with that respect, what is being achieved? How is that response? What does it look like?

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, I define it as a positive regard toward the spirit of your boy when you’re spitting mad at him. And one of the things that I want mothers to know is not to move into shame as they’re listening to this because mothers immediately begin to think of those moments where they’ve stepped over line, and I want them just to relax here. This is just an insight. In addition to your love, I want you to think about some vocabulary words that can soften him especially when you’re trying to get through to him. But in terms of the question you’re asking, it’s a positive regard toward his spirit. See, the gestures of contempt that the University of Washington study that females manifest, her eyes darken, face turn sour, hand on the hip, scolding finger, the sigh, the roll in the eyes, the head goes back, and when estrogen kicks in, the word choice of contempt is incredible. Women will fight with words. Okay. But I- I say to… you know, do you speak disrespectfully to your husband? Yes, but he should know I didn’t mean it. I will stop mid-sentence; he should know I didn’t. And in unison, all the women say, “mean it”, I didn’t mean it. And mothers don’t mean it toward their boys, but the way in which that boy is filtering that is mom is using this topic to send me a message that she doesn’t like who I am, she doesn’t respect who I am, and she finds me unacceptable. And I can give an illustration between how a mother would confront her teen daughter one night and the next night confront her teen son in the very same way and show you why there is a huge difference here.

Jim: Well, give it, let’s hear it.

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, suppose she’s- Tuesday night she’s upset with her 13-year-old daughter, and she’s got a 14-year-old boy and she comes, and she just rips in verbally to her daughter and they all go back and forth at each other. And then you’ll watch a few minutes later, they’ll both be on the bed, legs crossed and they’re going at it venting negatively. And- and then the daughters say, “I’m sorry, mom. I shouldn’t have said that.” Well, no, honey, I’m sorry. I was outta line. I’m re… will you forgive me? I shouldn’t have said it the way I said it. Well, yeah, mom, I forgive you. But do you forg- Yes, honey. Then they’ll hug, tear… wipe away their tears and then once witting, they’ll say something, they start laughing and they’ll hug and they’ll be good to go until that next episode, and they’ll do it again. Next night, she confronts her boy on the same thing, teen boy, and she comes at him, and he just shuts down and withdraws and looks angry.  And so then what does she do? She ups the disrespect to get through to him until she sees tears in his eyes. And those tears are not there because he’s finally feeling her pain, it’s like he’s thinking, “My mom finds me disgusting. And even though I know mom loves me, I don’t think she likes me.” And particularly when he moves into his teen years where there may be some things that she’s discovered that shame him, now he’s filtering much of her behavior through those episodes that he feels ashamed about.

Jim: Tell me what that teen boy, uh, beyond what you just described, how does that shaming, uh, do really deep damage to that boy who then becomes a man? What is the lingering effect of that shaming?

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, I’m always cautious in that, uh, answering that because again, I don’t want that mother to feel like she has damaged her children. Mothers are very loving, very nurturing, very caring, and they care deeply. And they’re very quick to go to the fact that I’ve ruined my son, I’ve ruined my family, I’ve ruined heaven if I could ruin it, I’ve ruined everything. I’m horrible, I’m rotten. That’s what she begins to feel. So I’m… it takes a lot to really get a boy into deep shame. So what I wanna do is back pedal from that. But if every week you’re ripping into him over a 10-year period and basically communicating disgust… I just got a- an email and we’re getting all these emails, a single mother who adopted several children and her son’s gre- he’s very good at math, but he had a 65 percentile and she saw the report card and she said on the way home, “I was in…” She said, “I knew the barrage of words I was gonna use to get him to get his grades up.” But she’d just been listening to the audio on the Mother and Son: The Respect Effect and so she came in and she said, “Son, I don’t understand what’s going on here, I don’t wanna be dishonoring to you, I don’t wanna be disrespectful, but can you explain to me why you have these great abilities and why you have a 65% here? Can you help me understand this? Because I’m not pleased, but I’m not trying to dishonor you right now, but I’m upset because I expect more from you.” He looked at her and he said, “I will take care of it, mom.” And she says he studied and brought his grades up to 95%. And she said, “We did not have yelling, tears and regret,” yelling, which was her, his tears and then her regret. Yelling, tears and regret, we did not experience it. And she said, “I was absolutely blown away when I used the vocabulary word, ‘I’m not trying to diss you, I’m not trying to dishonor you. I believe in you; I don’t understand this. Can you solve this?’” And she said it was over with. But see the point there is, there are single mothers, as well as regular mothers out there that, you know, have a father, but they’re doing that kind of thing week after week toward their boy because he’s not performing so they feel they have to up the disrespect, they have to up the contempt. And over a period of time, he’ll just close off before he’ll probably begin to feel shame.

Jim: And in so many ways, what you’re doing with that approach is you’re raising the bar even higher and making them feel even more like a failure, that they can’t attain it. And so I love the approach. I love the thought of give them the responsibility, that’s what men appreciate, that’s what boys need to learn, and they’ll gravitate toward it. That’s what you’re saying.

Dr. Eggerichs: Hugely so. And we know in marriage, you know, the whole joke is women tend to be empathy oriented, but men are solution oriented.

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Eggerichs: Men think in terms of solution, they try to help by solving it. Well, you can reverse that with your son and ask him, how is he gonna solve this problem? Appeal to him to solve the problem. You’re an honorable young man, this is unacceptable, I’m sure to you and to me, how can you solve this?

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Eggerichs: Rather than telling him to solve it, ask him and watch what happens.

Jim: Right. And- and then step back, let him-

Dr. Eggerichs: Allow- allow.

Jim: Um, Emerson, you talk about that crazy cycle. Uh, you talk about that in marriage with love and respect, you’ve brought that thing, you’re describing it. I don’t know that you’ve used the term yet, but make sure that we understand the vocabulary of the crazy cycle.

Dr. Eggerichs: Right, right.

Jim: You described it with the mom and the teenage daughter, that they’re fine until their next eruption. That’s the crazy cycle, right?

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, the crazy cycle that we talk about between husband and life is without love, she reacts in ways that feel disrespectful to him. She’s not trying to be, that’s how he processes that conflict. When a man feels disrespected, he ends up reacting a way that feels unloving to her like stonewalling, pulling back. And that same dynamic happens between a mother and her son. They’re not married, but it’s a male, female issue far and above being a husband-and-wife issue. And as that boy moves into manhood, mothers and sons get on that crazy cycle and, uh, we’re coaching mothers on how you can jump off of that much more quickly.

John: This is Focus on the Family, and our featured guest today is Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. And we always appreciate having him and the wisdom he shares. His great book is called Mother and Son: The Respect Effect. And you’ll find that and a CD or download of our conversation at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Or call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Let’s continue the conversation with Emerson Eggerichs.

Jim: Emerson, uh, you mentioned this respect talk back and forth. Why do you think moms, women, struggle with that concept so much? I- is it the root that they’re seeking love, their language is love and you’re saying your sons aren’t gonna understand that love is something not as critical to them?

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, it is critical, boys need love. They tend to be as assured of a mother’s love. I mean, you ask a teen boy, does your mom love you? Oh yeah. Well, she.

Jim: Of course, she does.

Dr. Eggerichs: Yeah, exactly. Like you, no, she didn’t like me right now.

Jim: (Laughs).

Dr. Eggerichs: And so and mothers will say, “I love my son, but I don’t like him right now.”

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Eggerichs: And mothers feel guilty about that. And so this… and we need to clarify, love and respect are not synonymous. You know, we respect our boss, but we don’t love our boss. And uh, you know, we love our teen boy, but we don’t always feel respect for him. And so they cross over, but they’re not synonymous. And what we have to look at is the fact that God has wired men to need something that mothers don’t always track with in this culture at this time. But God designed mothers to love, women love to love. You have to wound a woman at the level of intimacy to get her to stop loving. Uh, but she is, uh, this nurturer, the caregiver, and she just is energized to love, she wants to do that. But what she doesn’t always understand is that she can communicate in a way that feels disrespectful to her boy. She can be motivated to do the loving thing, but it comes across very disrespectful and that’s why she doesn’t always see it. And I don’t know why as a culture, we haven’t paid closer attention. Instead, we seemingly have put the onus back on the boy who is shutting down that there’s something inherently wrong with him rather than maybe just stepping back for a moment and saying, could we just say a few things differently? So for instance, if she’s really upset and she’s just spitting mad and just… You know, I say, you don’t have to become robotic or mechanical this way, you be yourself. But you say, “I’m very upset with you right now, I can’t believe that you disregarded what I told you to do, and I was very specific. And I even let a note. Now I’m not trying to say this to diss you or dishonor you. I believe in you more and I think you believe in yourself, and I see you becoming an honorable man. But for the life of me, I can’t believe why you did that. I don’t respect what you did, but I respect you. Now we gotta take a five-minute time out because I think I’m gonna kill you right now and we’re gonna come back and visit this respectfully. Does that sound like a good game plan?” A lot of times a boy will grin. If he’s never heard that kind of vocabulary, he will actually look at mom. And it was same thing if a father says, “I don’t know how to do this loving thing. You know, my father didn’t love and I- I’m trying to be more loving to use my tender daughter. I would die for you. I can’t believe what you did here. How do I do this lovingly? I don’t know how to be as loving as I ought to be. I feel horrible as a- a man who doesn’t know how to love, but I’m so spitting mad. We need to take a time out. I wanna do the loving thing here, but I don’t know how to do it and I’m so mad.” I mean, every daughter would probably start to grin at that if he’s never done that before.

Jim: What’s so right about what you’re saying is you’re affirming the child as a person as someone created in the image of God without embracing the behavior which you have to deal with.

Dr. Eggerichs: Always. We do not respect bad behavior, that’s stupid.

Jim: (Laughs).

Dr. Eggerichs: We don’t love, uh, unacceptable behavior, but we lovingly and respectfully confront that behavior.

John: E- even as you’re going through that kind of script of how it could be Emerson, does a boy really hear a mom talking as you just did and think she respects me? ‘Cause I mean, the tone of what you said could be taken by some to mean she really hates me right now. I just blew my life apart.

Dr. Eggerichs: Yeah, it could be. But my experience is no, same thing with a football coach who’s sitting mad in the locker room-

Jim: (Inaudible].

Dr. Eggerichs: … that we’re behind 14 points, I expect more of you guys, you guys are the greatest athletes I’ve ever coached, I can’t believe where we’re at now. But you know it… Do boys suddenly think, “oh, the coach hates us.” So again, vocabulary is why this is so exciting. And the point there is mothers don’t have to suddenly become something they’re not. You just need to add a few vocabulary words that I’m talking about so that he knows that the real reason here for you confronting him is the behavior, not that you’re using this topic as another opportunity to send a message that you find him despicable as a human being, ’cause that’s what he’s feeling, particularly if he’s failed or he is feeling inadequate.

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Eggerichs: And we need to quote Shaunti Feldhahn’s research of the 400 American males that decision analyst out of Houston did and they ran it again ’cause they were blown away by the stats. And Shaunti called me and said, “Hey, here’s one of the questions I’d like to include. Do you think I should do it?” And I said, “Absolutely.” And the question was this, would you men rather be left alone and unloved in the world or be viewed as inadequate and disrespected by everyone? Almost 75% of the men said they’d rather be left alone and unloved in the world. So we have to refrain from this message. Do not say to a man, “You’re inadequate as a human being and I don’t respect you because of it.” You can say, “What you did was inadequate, and I don’t respect what you did.” But that’s conduct unbecoming of who I really believe you to be. Just that way of saying it can take that relationship and turn it completely around.

Jim: Well, let’s, uh, unpack some of those vocabulary words that you’re mentioning. And you’ve done some of that, but what are some of those buzz words that mom should refrain from using and maybe get rid of them out of their lexicon when- when it comes to dealing with your son?

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, I mean, just as we would say, no father should use any kind of vocabulary that suggests that he hates his daughter, right? I mean, is there any vocabulary word that a dad may be using that would suggest that that daughter’s going to hear that you really hate me? And if there’s any message that he sends that is that. So a mother just has to step back, is there any vocabulary word that I’m using that would cause my son to think that I don’t respect him, that I have contempt toward him, that I despise who he is, that I find him unacceptable as a human being, that he’s less than he ought to be?

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Eggerichs: Um, and those are the words that we need to refrain from. But I still give a lot of grace to a mother who blows it just as long as she comes back and said, “Look, I wasn’t trying to dishonor your heart. You’re created in the image of God, and I believe in you son. And that’s why I’m so upset. I sometimes don’t think you believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.”

Jim: Huh, yeah, that’s good.

Dr. Eggerichs: See, that’s the way you rebound.

Jim: Uh, countless moms, uh, will contact Focus on the Family here. I mean, we get this a lot and they’re saying basically, “Listen, um, my son needs to earn my respect.”

Dr. Eggerichs: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, describe that environment and is what she’s saying accurate or is that something you give, you don’t earn it, it’s something that your son, uh, deserves from you even if they’re behaving inappropriately?

Dr. Eggerichs: This is a cultural teaching that respect must be earned, respect must be deserved. And if they have not earned it, they don’t deserve it and I’m not gonna give it. And I always say that’s- that’s understandable, we all feel that. It would be better to say we earn the respect in some ways on the behavior if we’re you know doing well, you know, we’re honored, we get honored for things that we do so there’s a performance component to it that all of us would agree with. However, let’s just think for a moment. So now your son does not earn… hasn’t earned it, he doesn’t deserve it. What’s the logic of this? Where are you gonna go with this? So now you’re gonna say he deserves your disrespect, he deserves your contempt, he deserves you to say he’s despicable, he deserves that you say that he’s inadequate. So if you bring this to its logical conclusion, then what you’re saying is I can show contempt toward him all day long because he doesn’t deserve it. And I’m gonna say that is one of the biggest mistakes we could ever make with any human being, ’cause no human being responds to contempt. So what the mothers are basically saying is I’m not feeling that respect toward him because of his misbehavior. That’s correct. We’re not asking you to feel respect, what we’re asking you is respectfully confront that which he’s done that’s not respectable. ‘Cause if you don’t, if you show contempt toward his spirit, that’s the same thing as a father showing harshness and anger toward his daughter because she’s not performing at the level that he wants but as a result of his harshness and anger, she starts, you know, performing at the level that he wants. But you’re gonna lose her heart and you’ll lose your son’s heart if you continue to show contempt. So we have to then talk about unconditional respect being equal to unconditional love. And what are we talking about? God calls the husband to love his wife unconditionally. That doesn’t mean honey, you know, I know you’re committing adultery with the neighbors, so just continue on ’cause I’m gonna show you that I’m unconditional my love. We say that’s stupid. Unconditional doesn’t mean you give another person license to do what they want, unconditional love means there’s no situation, no circumstance, no condition that can get me to ever hate you. I love who you are. What you’re doing is unacceptable, but there’s nothing you will ever do to get me to hate you. Unconditional respect is an oxymoron. We all understand unconditional love, but it’s a contradiction of terms when you say unconditional respect. But unconditional respect means you say to your husband, you say to any human being, you say… This doesn’t mean it’s easy, it just means this is true. There’s nothing you can do, there’s no condition, there’s no situation, there is no circumstance that can get me to show you contempt for who you are as a human being. Why? Because this is who I am as a person. This isn’t about who you fail to be as a person. I’m gonna be a loving soul, whether you’re lovable or not. I’m gonna be a respectful human being as a mother, I’m gonna be a woman of dignity who communicates respectfully even though what you’ve done is not respectable.

John: So where does a mom who feels that her son hasn’t earned respect or that he’s so disrespectful she can’t possibly meet him there, how does she start to get out of that?

Dr. Eggerichs: Well, again, this is why the methods that she’s been using, we ask, are they working? See, this is why I think so many mothers are frustrated with their boys and the implication of this is staggering. So I’m not here to say that the way she’s approaching it may be totally wrong ’cause I can’t speak to every situation. But if her son is pulling away from her and she knows that, and women intuitively know that, then just try this. Uh, don’t do it as a theory. I believe God and his word, and the best research is pointing out, this is meeting another person’s need, you’re meeting your son’s need and you’re not losing power. And one of the first questions most mothers say, “Well, I need him to respect me.” Yes, honor of father and mother. And I wrote 300 pages in the Love & Respect Family book that addresses that, all about how to get your son to honor and respect you. But the other side is you’ve gotta understand if you’re gonna expect him to honor you, then you can’t dishonor him to motivate him to honor you. And what does it mean then as a mother to come across in a respectful, honoring way as a model of the very thing you’re expecting and paying attention to the innocent ways that you come across in these gestures of contempt? Because I say if you misrepresent your deepest heart, he’s gonna misinterpret your deepest heart.

John: So it’s probably a good idea to- to kind of stop the cycle when you’re not in it, right? I mean to be proactive about it.

Dr. Eggerichs: I think that Sarah and I get on the crazy cycle in our marriage, and we have to, uh-oh, we’re getting in the crazy cycle. You have to at least identify what’s going on here so that you can call a time out like I did with the- that mother, you know, saying, “Let’s take a time out here.” Because otherwise you’re suddenly gonna realize the issue is no longer the issue. And that’s the problem. Once we get into that point where your spirit is deflating as a mother and his spirit is deflating, now you’re probably on that crazy cycle. You’re feeling unloved and disrespected, now you’re gonna react in a way that probably feels disrespectful to him. And when he feels dissed as a young boy, he’s gonna react in a way that feels unloving to you. And he’s gonna probably just shut down ’cause that’s the way he’s protecting himself. He’s not trying to be disrespectful toward you, he’s guarding his heart.

Jim: Mm-hmm. And you want to get out of that crazy cycle because the damage long term will be tough. And this is why we’re talking about it today, Emerson (laughs). Man, it has flown by, uh, because of, uh, I think the interest here… I mean we’re three guys talking about it, but I think many, many moms have leaned in to say, “Help me do this better.”

Dr. Eggerichs: Yes.

Jim: I can feel it.

Dr. Eggerichs: Yes.

Jim: And uh, we need to keep going and uh, come back next time and talk more about this great work that you’ve put together, Mother and Son: The Respect Effect. Uh, you have tapped into what I believe is spiritual truth here with the love and respect message right out of Ephesians. You’ve got it and now you’re applying that to the parenting role, and I think it is right on the money. So it’s been great. Let’s come back, have more discussion about it next time. Can we, do it?

Dr. Eggerichs: Love to.

John: We’ll invite you to get a copy of Emerson Eggerichs’ book Mother and Son: The Respect Effect, uh, when you get in touch with us here at Focus on the Family. And then we also have a CD or download of this program to listen to again, or to share with others and additional parenting helps always available. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459 or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And we also have a link to a free parenting assessment. Uh, that is so helpful, be sure to take a few minutes and check that out.

Jim: And John, I wanna ask our friends to support this ministry. It’s an invitation to be part of it. And uh, we need your partnership to help us serve parents every day through our broadcast, podcast, magazines, counseling, and so much more. With a gift of any amount, we’ll say thank you, uh, by sending you a copy of Mother and Son: The Respect Effect.

John: Join the support team donate as you can and request that book when you call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. Well, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, I’m John Fuller, inviting you back tomorrow. We’ll hear more from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Today's Guests

Mother & Son

Receive Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' book Mother & Son for your donation of any amount! Plus, receive member-exclusive benefits when you make a recurring gift today. Your monthly support helps families thrive.

Recent Episodes

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Helping Kids Navigate Worry in Healthy Ways

You may think your child is acting out when, in fact, they are struggling with worry. Dr. Josh and Christi Straub describe how to help your young child identify their emotions and navigate fear in a healthy way.

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Understanding the Hot Buttons in Your Marriage

Dr. Bob Paul and his wife Jenni explain how seemingly innocent disagreements can spiral into a major argument because of unidentified personal hot buttons that trigger primal reactions that are out of proportion to the issue at hand.

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

The Importance of Showing Love to Others

Pastor Phil Waldrep shares heart-warming stories of his godly grandmother and the important principle that she helped him find in Romans 16: People love people who love people.

You May Also Like

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Avoiding Shame-Based Parenting

Psychologist Dr. Kelly Flanagan discusses the origins of shame, the search for self-worth in all the wrong places, and the importance of extending grace to ourselves. He also explains how parents can help their kids find their own sense of self-worth, belonging and purpose.

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Becoming a Clutter-Free Family

Joshua Becker discusses the benefits a family can experience if they reduce the amount of “stuff” they have and simplify their lives. He addresses parents in particular, explaining how they can set healthy boundaries on how much stuff their kids have, and establish new habits regarding the possession of toys, clothes, artwork, gifts and more.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 1

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

How a Former Abortion Doctor Became Pro-Life

As an abortion doctor at Planned Parenthood, Dr. Patti Giebink believed she was helping women. Later, she began reading scripture and God gradually changed her heart on the abortion issue. Patti tells the story of her long journey from abortion doctor to pro-life and encourages listeners to share the message of life with compassion.

Headshot image of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Patti Giebink

Mrs. Patti Giebink

Dr. Patti Giebink is an OB-GYN who serves on the board of the Alpha Center, a well-known pregnancy center located in Sioux Falls, S.D. She also travels intermittently to work in mission hospitals in Pakistan and other countries. After completing her medical training, Dr. Giebink worked for Planned Parenthood from 1995-1997, during which she was the only abortion-provider in the state of South Dakota. She eventually experienced a radical change of heart on the issue of abortion after receiving God’s grace, forgiveness, and love, and she is now a passionate advocate for the pro-life movement.

Cover image of the book "Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life"

Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life

Unexpected Choice is told from the perspective of a doctor who actually performed abortions through Planned Parenthood. The book chronicles her journey from being a pro-choice physician to someone speaking on behalf of the pro-life movement.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 2

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Cherishing Your Spouse Every Day

Do you love your spouse, or do you truly cherish them? Gary Thomas encourages couples to make a daily effort to go beyond the ‘duty’ of love, and combat the natural inclination to drift apart, by choosing to see the best in their spouse.

Mr. Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas is an international speaker and best-selling, award-winning author whose books include Married SexSacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting. He has also written numerous articles for several prominent national magazines. Gary and his wife, Lisa, reside in Texas and have three children. You can learn more about Gary by visiting his website, www.garythomas.com.

cherish front cover

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

“Most marriages survive by gritting teeth and holding on. But marriages can and will not only survive but thrive when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another.” Those are the powerful words of bestselling author Gary Thomas in his newest book–Cherish. And in a world desperate for marriage redemption, it is needed now more than ever. Thomas shows that although there are a countless number of marriages consisting of two people just going through the motions, there are real ways this pattern can be reversed: when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another in proven, loving, and everyday actions and words.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope

Discover the amazing work our PRC’s Directors, Nurses, and Volunteers are making in their communities! You’ll see firsthand testimonies of a PRC in action, and that there are other options outside of abortions! You’ll also discover how your family can support your local PRC!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard

Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. You’ll see why “ALL” life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 3: The Power of a Picture

Have you ever wondered what a baby looked like in the womb? With today’s technology, Moms and Dads can see the baby’s heartbeat, facial expressions, and movements! You’ll find out why more women choose life once they hear their baby’s heartbeat and realize it’s a real living human!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 5: It’s Going to be Amazing!

After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 6: Families Helping Families!

So, after all you’ve seen through the SeeLife ‘21 Episodic journey; what can you do now? We’ll share how you can partner with some amazing organizations that are making significant impacts in the pro-life movement! You want to Celebrate Life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 2

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Effective Habits to Embrace in Parenting

To be an effective parent, you must be a leader in your child’s life, guiding with a gentle hand and setting a solid example. Dr. Randy Schroeder provides the insight you need to be a leader-parent. As he explores the foundational Rs—relationship, routines, responsibilities, and rules—you’ll better understand the role you play in your child’s life. You’ll learn great phrases to employ such as “Either/Or/You Decide” and “When You/Then You”. While there is no perfect parent, this nuts-and-bolts material will equip you to lead your child in a loving, confident manner.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder has spent more than four decades writing, counseling, speaking, and teaching. For nearly 25 years, he was Vice President of Student Personnel Services, Dean of Students, and a professor of pastoral counseling at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Ind. He’s also led a successful counseling practice helping individuals, couples, and families to thrive in their lives and relationships.

Cover image of Dr. Randall Schroeder's book "Simple Habits for Effective Parenting"

Simple Habits for Effective Parenting

Effective parenting is now within your grasp! With this inspiring how-to comprehensive book, achieve extraordinary results in raising a child to be self-assured, self-reliant, and responsible! You will be able to successfully lead and lovingly encourage your child toward a Godly life!

The Spiritual Battle for Your Marriage

God designed marriage to reflect His love to the world; and because of this, the enemy wants to destroy God’s beautiful design. Based on his book, Defending Your Marriage, Dr. Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff share about the reality of spiritual warfare against marriages, and how to combat the enemy’s lies with the truth of God. Couples will be encouraged that they’re not alone in the fight for a godly marriage and better equipped to be a shining example for the world around them.

Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff Cropped

Dr. Tim and Mrs. Noreen Muehlhoff

Dr. Tim Muehlhoff is a professor of communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California where he teaches classes in family communication, interpersonal communication, apologetics, gender, and conflict resolution.  Tim and his wife, Noreen, are both on staff with Biola’s Center for Marriage and Relationships  where he is a co-host of The Art of Relationship podcast. 

Defending Your Marriage

Is your marriage under attack? Sometimes it can feel like the world is trying to tear your marriage apart. Internal conflicts or external pressures might make you wonder if something sinister is going on. How can you tell if you’re facing spiritual opposition? And what can you do about it? Tim Muehlhoff provides a straightforward resource for protecting your marriage from the threats of the evil one. He looks at what Scripture says about spiritual warfare and how our everyday struggles have deeper spiritual realities. And he provides practical steps for guarding our marriages with the whole armor of God.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 1

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 2

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 2

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage - Part 2

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 2

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Embracing Your Role as a Spouse

As a spouse, you have three roles to play—a friend, a partner, and a lover. On this one-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Pastor Kevin A. Thompson explores those different roles and challenges you to live them out by investing emotionally, physically, and mentally in your relationship. As friends, he suggests we learn to play and laugh together. As partners, he equips us with solid ways to handle conflict and communication. As lovers, he offers some thoughts on how to bring back the sizzle. He shares five keys to saving your marriage: humility, respect, mercy, communication, and resilience. You’ll be encouraged to intentionally invest in your marriage.

Headshot of Kevin Thompson

Pastor Kevin Thompson

Kevin A. Thompson (MDiv, Beeson Divinity School) is lead pastor at Community Bible Church, a growing multi-site church with four locations in western Arkansas. Every year he meets with nearly one hundred couples with a range of needs, from pre-marital counseling to navigating the most serious betrayals. A marriage and parenting conference speaker, he and his wife, Jenny, have two children and live in Fort Smith, Arkansas. He blogs at kevinathompson.com.

Cover image of Kevin Thompson's book "Friends, Partners & Lovers"

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

With engaging stories and clear, simple language, pastor Kevin Thompson shows how to live out three distinct roles in marraige. Using solid biblical principles, he helps you and your spouse grow your friendship, be supportive partners through the good times and the bad, and develop a healthy and satisfying sex life.

Sharing Your Faith with Grace and Purpose

You can confidently and lovingly share your faith—you just need to learn some new tactics to do so! In this Focus on the Family Daily Broadcast, apologist Greg Koukl outlines the “Columbo” tactic of asking questions, the “self-defeating argument” tactic to find holes in your opponent’s arguments, and other specific methods for engaging in faith-building conversations with others. Greg pulls from his over 30 years of experience debating atheists and agnostics to help you share your faith with grace and truth.

Mr. Greg Koukl

Greg Koukl is a writer, public speaker and talk show host who’s spent 30 years advocating for and defending the Christian worldview. Greg has written or contributed to 15 books, including The Story of RealityTactics, and Precious Unborn Human Persons. Greg has published nearly 230 articles and has spoken on 80 college and university campuses in the U.S. and abroad.

Tactics front cover

Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions

In a world increasingly indifferent to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. You’ll learn how to stop challengers in their tracks and how to turn the tables on questions or provocative statements. Most important, you’ll learn how to get people thinking about Jesus.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 1

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Giving up Sugar, Tasting God's Goodness

As a latchkey kid, Wendy Speake turned to sugar for comfort. Every Friday, she would pedal to the candy show and use her allowance to fill her bag with candy. And one day, when she was older and a mom of three young boys, she came to realize that she was still “pedaling” away from her stress and using sugar as comfort, instead of turning to Jesus. She was joyless, worn out, tired, and in need of a change. In this interview, Wendy will challenge Christians to take 40 days to focus on fasting from something they turn to instead of Jesus for comfort. She invited people to break free from a dependence on sugar and taste the goodness of God.

Author Wendy Speake smiling as she holds up her book "The 40-Day Social Media Fast"

Mrs. Wendy Speake

With a background in Hollywood as a trained actress, Wendy Speake ministers to women as a bible teacher by applying the power of drama, poetry and comedy to the study of Scripture and real-life application of biblical truths. She has co-authored two books with Amber Lia titled Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses and their latest, Parenting Scripts: When What You’re Saying Isn’t Working, Say Something New. Wendy is also the co-author (with Kelli Stuart) of Life Creative: Inspiration for Today’s Renaissance Mom.

Cover image of the book "The 40-Day Sugar Fast"

The 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation

Welcome to the 40-Day Sugar Fast, a fast that begins with us giving Jesus our sugar and ends with Jesus giving us himself–the only thing that can ever truly satisfy our soul’s deep hunger. On this 40-day journey you’ll learn how to stop fixating on food and other things you use to fill the voids in life and instead fix your eyes on Christ. Anyone who runs to sugar for comfort or a reward, who eats mindlessly or out of boredom, who feels physically and spiritually lethargic, or who struggles with self-control will discover here not only freedom from their cravings but an entirely new appetite for the good things God has for us.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 2

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 2

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

Reconciling Faith and Science in a Medical Crisis

Dr. Lee Warren is a neurosurgeon who has faced many heavy challenges in his life – from serving in the Iraq War to removing deadly brain tumors to experiencing the loss of a teenage son. He’ll share about his difficult quest to find answers to some of life’s toughest questions, while holding onto his faith in God and the sure hope of heaven

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. W. Lee Warren

Dr. Lee Warren

W. Lee Warren, M.D., is a brain surgeon , inventor, Iraq War veteran, and author of I’ve Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon’s Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know, winner of the Christian Book Award®. His previous book, No Place to Hide, was included on the 2015 U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff’s Recommended Reading List. Dr. Warren has appeared on The 700 Club and the CBS Evening News, and his writings have been featured in Guideposts magazine. His Dr. Lee Warren Podcast, which is heard in more than 60 countries, helps listeners use the power of neuroscience, faith, and common sense to change their lives.

Cover image of Dr. Lee Warren's book "I've Seen the End of You"

I've Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon's Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know

This gripping inspirational memoir grapples with the tension between faith and science—and between death and hope—as a seasoned neurosurgeon faces insurmountable odds and grief both in the office and at home.

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 1

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 1

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage Part 1

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 1

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 1

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!